Sunday, May 17, 2009
Another face. Hers resembles mine so much I wish for nothing more than to smack it away. Her dull gray eyes mirroring mine, shape, color, all things match. I've run from this face my entire life, trying to hide my own likeness to it. Cutting my hair. Gaining weight. Caking on the makeup. All to no avail. Her eyes are my eyes. Her mouth is my mouth. Two shaky steps back, running from myself. Mirrors everywhere, her face in each one. Go away. I scream. Leave me alone. I want nothing more of you. You never wanted me. I reminded you of him. I reminded him of you. Neither parent wanting the child for the features of the other. Running from you my entire life, I face you now. Boldness. Courage. Certainty. It's myself in you that I have been running from. Not wanting to admit how much like you I am. Stumbling along the road to self discovery. Making huge mistakes. Trying to correct them. Unsuccessful. My own fear keeping me rooted to the spot. Trying to run with leaden feet. How to get away. How to get away. Come to me my daughter. She calls my name. Ellohcin. Ellohcin. Ellohcin. Where have you gone my Ellohcin. Come to me. Let me help. Her hair sways around me in the wind, wrapping me in its familiar scent. White sage purifies. Smudge sticks. Secrets pouring. Sweet escape.