tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10447170630595138452024-03-08T08:42:51.139-08:00The JourneyTravel through my own self-discovery with me.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-39368542366970730972012-01-20T21:23:00.000-08:002012-01-20T21:24:44.283-08:00Moving OnNew name, new home, new school, new me, new blog. This one has run its course.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-29058877733117645512009-10-16T01:46:00.001-07:002009-10-16T01:46:59.852-07:00NumbI sat curled up in the closet, my knees tucked up into my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around them. The more pain I felt, the tighter I clutched my knees to my chest, my fingernails digging into my skin, breaking it, hoping, with my blood, to make the hole stop throbbing, stop hurting, if only for a few minutes, a few seconds. The throb subsided, dulled, but didn’t go away. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks as another aching sob built deep in my chest, threatening to explode any second. The pressure built, higher and higher in my throat, the pain pushing its way to the surface, looking for a way out. My stomach tightened and convulsed as the sob broke surface, screaming out of my chest like a freight train, allowing the whole world to be privy to my most private pain, privy to the anguish that comes from losing something so dear to you that, when it goes, it takes a piece of your soul, and all of your heart, with it. As the last of my air escaped, my sob turned into a soft, pathetic whimper, like that of a dog sitting at the door when her Master leaves. Depleted of that life-giving substance, oxygen, my body and mind did that automatic thing: breathing. Air ripped through my mouth and down to my lungs, digging its wicked claws into the walls of my throat its entire way. A soft inward whine echoed up from the abyss of my chest just before my lungs were again filled to capacity and another sob burst forth, screaming my agony to the dark walls of the closet I had sheltered myself in.<br /><br />Eventually, like always, numbness came. It worked its way up through my limbs, a sweet coolness working its way through my burning body. It started in my toes and feet, the furthest and therefore already dullest part of me. Its icy fingers began to massage their way up my ankles and calves next, pausing at my knees to work through the weakness there. I began to feel it work its way up my fingers next, cooling the burn that had been left by her fingers. It followed the paths that she used to trace up my arms, feeling nothing like her fingers’ tender caress. It moved its way up my thighs, chasing the paths her lips used to pursue on their way to my tender core, icing the burns left there. The ice flowed past my elbows, up my biceps, to my shoulders, still following her lips. Up my stomach and abs, along my ribs, over my breasts, it searched out the heart that was no longer there. Its icy fingers took a firm hold of my chest and continued their ascent, up my neck and along my chin, gently caressing my cheeks, my nose, playing gently through my hair. And finally, the face, her face, that had been haunting me since I’d stepped into that closet, was frosted over and replaced with the grey haze that meant that I was able to unwrap my arms from around my knees and stand again.<br /><br />I stood, then, and let myself out. I went to stand in front of the sliding glass door. It was sunrise. I’d sat in there another full night, hiding from the memory of her, hiding from her face, from everything that reminded me of her. I sighed and returned my attention to the sunrise. It was ablaze with oranges and reds and yellows, fire working its way across the sky, flames dancing in the sunrise clouds, heralding a new day. The light was streaming in through the windows, the hopeful light of yet another day. A soft breeze was playing through the aspens that were planted in strategic locations in the sidewalk five stories below. A woman jogged past, dressed in the typical black spandex sweatpants with white stripes running down the sides, accompanied by a tight tank top that revealed far more of the silicone masses, that her stock-broker husband no doubt paid for with his far-too-large Christmas bonus, than was truly necessary for a morning jog. His bonus probably paid for that nose-job that she was sporting as well. I wondered briefly why she was running. I was sure that her husband could probably afford liposuction for her. She jogged around the corner, taking my brief distraction with her, and I was left to ponder the sun rising on yet another day.<br /><br />I looked around my room, seeing and not seeing the faceless picture frames lining the walls, their emptiness a shadowy reflection of my soul. A soft rage suddenly erupted from somewhere deep inside of me and I found myself tearing the empty frames from their perches upon the wall. Her face stared up at me from the empty, shattered glass that littered the floor. Her eyes haunted me in my rage as I trampled the broken glass, pulling my hair and screaming at the top of my lungs, wordless screams of anguish. My unclad feet began to drip blood onto the glass, hiding the green that was staring up at me, making her flee from the pools of glass that lay strewn upon the floor.<br /><br />I turned my attention back to the sunrise. Opening the door, I stepped out onto the balcony. A sunrise this beautiful might have once moved me to tears, but the numbness was as paralyzing as it was relieving. All and any emotion was gone. My life was devoid of meaning now. I climbed onto the railing and steadied myself. I waited for the nausea and vertigo that normally came with heights to come, but it didn’t. I looked down, gazing at the sidewalk five stories below. The wind swept up, catching my hair in its grasp, and making me wonder for the first time what it would be like to fly. I spread my arms, my wings, and allowed the warm morning breeze to wash over them. It had a warming effect on my numb body, breaking the ice that had just recently formed all over my body. Her face came back into focus, obscuring the view of the street and the sidewalk below.<br /><br />My mind, so tattered and torn with grief, brought me back to our last morning together. We had been up most of the night before, making love, our bodies moving in perfect synchronicity throughout the night until they had finally arched in climax together leaving us sleeping peacefully in each others’ arms. Somehow, we’d still woken up with the sunrise, a blazing red and orange one, much like the one that I was staring at now. She had looked at me with a passionate fire burning in her eyes, softened by a tenderness in her cheeks, and told me that she loved me, that she wanted to stay with me forever. Our fingers entwined, I looked in her eyes and told her that nothing would make me happier. Our lips met then, our tongues entwining and our pulses racing as our bodies moved as one.<br /><br />I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, finally allowing myself to succumb to my memories, the happy ones she and I had made during our time together. I held onto them, allowing them to cushion me as only her love could.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-4689834916153557932009-10-08T11:35:00.000-07:002009-10-08T11:53:25.494-07:00The Strongest ElementA flickering Flame<br />Dances peacefully<br />Carving her delicate path<br />Through the walls of trees.<br />Scorching the grass<br />'Til it's black as night.<br />Destroying all that the Earth lays out before her.<br />For the mission of Fire<br />Is but to destroy Earth.<br />Her dance starts out<br />A peacefully slow waltz.<br />Structured, measured, predictable.<br />The Wind, the orchestra<br />For her ballet<br />The gentle voices<br />Singing and guiding<br />The rhythmic steps<br />She dances so expertly.<br />A crescendo and the tempo increases<br />The Wind swirling around her now.<br /><br />Her steps quickening<br />A moderate tango now.<br />Underbrush laid bare<br />Charred, broken, smoldering.<br />The Earth's children begin<br />To sense the danger.<br />More real now with the tango<br />Than before<br />Another gust of Wind<br />The horns fire up<br />The percussion section<br />Kicks it into a higher gear<br />Fire begins to steps faster<br /><br />Twirling, spinning<br />A quick, heart-pounding salsa now.<br />Trees fall before she even<br />Reaches them<br />Their great limbs kneeling<br />Before the power they<br />All know she possesses<br />Crackling, roaring, through the lands<br />She dances<br />Methodically destroying the Earth<br />Her nemesis<br />And then<br />The orchestra of her brother, the Wind<br />STOPS<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />She pauses to see why<br />A mighty waterfall<br />Cascades gracefully<br />Into a shining, shimmering pool<br />Hundreds of feet below<br />Fire's steps slow<br />To a slow, weaving pattern<br />A more primal, tribal sway<br />She dances along the shores<br />Gazing upon the beauty<br />Of the ne'er-before-seen wonder<br />The spray from the gracefully falling water<br />Begins to gently caress<br />The Fire's reaching, grasping fingertips.<br /><br />Fire's heart is cooled, calmed, soothed.<br />Her sway becomes even slower<br />As the calm overtakes her.<br />The orchestra begins again softly,<br />A gentle piano melody,<br />Accompanied by a soft harmony<br />Of violin and harp.<br />The new song is soft<br />A gentle lullaby<br />As Fire forgets her mission,<br />Enticed and lured to complete<br />Submission at the Water's edge.<br />She dances calmly for her Mistress,<br />Leaving for a moment<br />Her nemesis<br />Earth.<br /><br />The cascading falls<br />Wind their way through the pool<br />And continue along their path,<br />Carving out greater chucks of Earth<br />Than Fire ever dared imagine<br />Was possible.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-34724001913358773452009-10-05T10:27:00.001-07:002009-10-05T10:29:41.414-07:00BeatingPain, spreading, seeping<br />All throughout my body<br />A dull ache rises<br />Becomes something more<br />Whips lashing, teeth biting<br />A scream pierces through the<br />Still night air<br />Hands bound<br />No way to stop it<br />Skin turning red<br />Blood vessels bursting<br />Black and blue<br />Are only two of the colors<br />Purple, red, gray, pink<br />Perfect belt lines<br />A tiger striped for all to see<br />A sudden stop<br />Belt replaced by lips, hands, hairs<br />Trailing along my back<br />Soft kisses, gentle blowing<br />Soothes the burning acheTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-55650658171426556122009-10-05T10:23:00.000-07:002010-02-03T12:36:43.838-08:00My ReligionWorship, praise<br />Divine<br />My soul searching for the right answer<br />Black and white<br />Hot and cold<br />Lukewarm<br />Grey<br />I gaze upon the Water<br />Shimmering, clear<br />Cool and life-giving<br />The Air, the Wind<br />Blows around me<br />I feel my spirit lift<br />The Earth beneath my feet<br />Gives me grounding<br />Something to hold on to<br />The Flame, flickering<br />Warms my soul<br />Her face between my hands<br />Fuels the passion within my heart<br />This is my divine<br />This is my religion.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-79168003905527004912009-09-07T11:59:00.000-07:002009-09-07T12:02:28.812-07:00I Kneel No MoreSilence<br />Oppressing, bitter silence<br />Debris litter the floor<br />The remnants of any heart I ever had<br />Ripped, torn from my chest<br />Thrown on the floor<br />Stomped on for all to see<br />From cower to kneel<br />I bring myself off the floor<br />From kneel to stand<br />For I only kneel for my Mistress<br />A deep breath to center<br />I square my shoulders<br />And hold my head high<br />That which doesn't kill us<br />Makes us stronger<br />I will get through this<br />Through the darkness<br />I will find the light.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-13408588712909250862009-08-21T23:49:00.001-07:002009-09-07T12:02:49.029-07:00PainDebris litter the floor<br />The remains of what was my heart<br />Black and charred<br />I look upon the carnage with surpisingly little emotion<br />Stabbed, torn, broken, beaten, burnt, used<br />Tear-stained face, blood red eyes<br />Pain in some many different forms<br />When will it end?<br />Only I have the power to stop this torture<br />But that "power" is an illusion<br />The addictions I serve won't let me leave<br />Stuck here, suffering, needing to know for sure<br />Riding this roller coaster, up and down, then back up again<br />I have to see where it ends,<br />I have to see what's around the next bend<br />Perpetually stuck<br />The good moments are heaven on earth<br />The bad ones are damn near hell<br />Which ones will there be more of?<br />Have to finish the ride to find out.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-9143537486900008572009-08-04T14:32:00.000-07:002009-08-04T14:33:50.400-07:00TensionTension<br />Rolling off in every direction<br />Awkward silence<br />Punishment<br />Shame<br />Cheeks ablaze<br />Temper soaring<br />Head butting<br />Voice raising<br />Struggle for dominance<br />Who will win?Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-60599153084321269012009-08-04T14:23:00.000-07:002009-08-04T14:31:09.235-07:00BoundariesLines drawn in the sand<br />Very clearly marked<br />Black and white<br />With shades of grey<br />Living in a box with blurred edges<br />Comfortable, safe, secure<br />Her voice whispering<br />Quiet words of encouragement<br />The grey is not to be feared<br />Rules, definitions<br />Who needs them?<br />We just are<br />Two people<br />Whose paths have crossed<br />Running parallel for now<br />A meandering stroll<br />Taking our time<br />Rushing no where<br />Simply enjoying each other<br />And living for the momentTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-2315556952490642402009-08-04T14:18:00.000-07:002009-08-04T14:21:49.888-07:00LilyBiting, scratching<br />Altruism fading fast<br />Rose's presence drains<br />Lily needs her time too<br />Inflicting pain brings pleasure<br />But receiving pain<br />Brings so much more<br />Nails dug into my back<br />Teeth digging into my arms and neck<br />Bruises, scratches, blood<br />The sadist slips below the surface<br />Allowing the masochist to rise<br />And bask in her full glory<br />Starving no moreTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-23862499684404002862009-08-04T14:13:00.000-07:002009-08-04T14:16:12.880-07:00VolcanoA fury boils<br />Just beneath the surface<br />Taunting, testing<br />Pushing buttons, boundaries<br />The pressure builds<br />The anger grows<br />The final straw<br />Pushes her into<br />An eruption fierce enough<br />To shame a volcano<br />Her words burn like<br />Molten stone<br />Her tears sting like ash<br />Months of anger<br />Built upon years of anger<br />All flowing forth<br />With the fury of the lahar<br />As her fury subsides<br />We gaze upon the path of destruction<br />The sun will shine with blood<br />Come morningTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-14127466103581999982009-08-02T22:11:00.000-07:002009-08-02T22:18:27.953-07:00RoseThe need to rip, to tear<br />To shred<br />A desire so primal<br />So urgent<br />My nails digging into her skin<br />Her moans urging me on<br />Scratching won't fulfill<br />My dark desires<br />My teeth yearn for soft skin<br />It starts with a kiss<br />Just under her chin<br />My hands on her back<br />Pulling her closer<br />I bite hesitantly at first<br />Then, encouraged by her moans<br />I sink my teeth deeper<br />The sadist in my rears her head<br />Reveling in the pain she's inflicting<br />But pain isn't enought<br />To fill her need<br />Tonight, she's after blood.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-3076714656769782062009-08-02T22:08:00.000-07:002009-08-02T22:11:12.918-07:00Rain Driven PassionBite marks, scratches<br />Lips, tongues, teeth<br />The thunder rolls overhead<br />While the rain<br />Drips down through<br />The canopy of<br />The lush, emerald<br />Evergreen forest that surrounds us<br />Passions soaring<br />Control slipping<br />Sado-masochism at its peak<br />Moaning, groaning<br />Squeak<br />Giggle<br />Cuddle<br />The rain will lull us to sleepTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-61248928967966676972009-08-02T22:05:00.000-07:002009-08-02T22:08:15.776-07:00My MistressThe Mistress is calling<br />Urging me forward<br />Her sweet voice<br />Breaking through my panic<br />Pain is the distraction<br />That pushes me through<br />Nausea, not enough<br />To stop me<br />Keep going, you're fine<br />The muses whispering<br />Telling me the reward<br />Will be sweet<br />My Mistress' face<br />A beacon of hope<br />Don't panic, don't freeze<br />Just keep going<br />The top of the world<br />Is callingTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-58435923388672787402009-08-02T21:53:00.000-07:002009-08-05T17:22:18.462-07:00Fire and wind (for Stacy)The roaring wind<br />Whips the fire into a frenzy<br />The air is thick with smoke<br />Billowing around her head<br />Her heart beats faster, faster<br />Her need to destroy increases<br />She's looking for something<br />Wandering the forest<br />Leaving charred and burnt trees in her wake<br />The wind urges her on<br />Quietly whispering encouragement in her ear<br />Keep going, one foot in front of the other<br />I'll push you when you dwindle<br />Take my hand<br />Let me guide you to your goal<br />Come<br />Let us wreak havoc<br />TogetherTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-70175850453911641792009-08-02T21:50:00.000-07:002009-08-02T21:53:33.974-07:00The Water's SurfaceThe shining surface draws you in<br />It's beauty calling to the depths of your soul<br />You walk towards her<br />Curious, is there more than meets the eye?<br />The rocks beneath your feet<br />Are wet and slick<br />But smooth from years of wear<br />Wade in up to your knees<br />The coolnes sending goosebumps<br />Rippling throught your body<br />Wade in further<br />Feet no longer touching bottom<br />Struggling to keep your head up<br />Caught in the undercurrent<br />Dragged beneath the shiny surface<br />To the darkest depths<br />Body wheeling out of control<br />Why continue fighting<br />When submission is so sweetTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-62484900883156112022009-08-02T21:46:00.000-07:002009-08-02T21:50:13.198-07:00ChoicesA winding path<br />A crooked road<br />Choices, chances, coincidences<br />The things that have brought us here<br />How things have changed in a year<br />Death always brings forth new life<br />From the ashes of my former self<br />I rise renewed<br />Stronger, smarter, more open to life<br />Her gentle hands guiding me<br />To each new discovery<br />Our paths running parallel<br />Taking one step at a time<br />Each day a new adventure<br />One foot in front of the other<br />Will bring us to<br />Wherever it is we're goingTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-87466486725221530662009-08-02T21:43:00.000-07:002009-08-02T21:46:14.871-07:00Dancing WaterA wild fire burning brightly<br />Devouring all in its path<br />The fire sprite dancing<br />Playfully leaving a path of destruction<br />She is met with a sparkling pool<br />The water sprite rises<br />And begins to dance<br />He body's movements mesmerize<br />The fire sprite is over taken<br />Her mind entranced<br />As the water slowly enfolds her<br />Who would have thought<br />Such beauty could lead to<br />Ultimate demiseTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-55500684414605165952009-08-02T21:41:00.000-07:002009-08-02T21:43:23.902-07:00BeautifulThe beauty of the stars<br />Shining brightly<br />Without the impediment<br />Of city lights and sounds<br />Pales next to the beauty<br />Of the one I hold in my arms<br />Her head resting comfortably on my chest<br />My arms wrapped tightly around her<br />Protecting, securing, holding<br />Face alight with<br />Child-like wonder<br />Eyes shining with enthusiasm for life<br />We hold each other<br />Til seet sleep comes<br />To carry us<br />To the world of dreamsTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-6545639371464880982009-07-19T21:18:00.000-07:002009-07-19T21:26:38.657-07:00NightmareYou walking away<br />The image is haunting me<br />Burned into the backs<br />Of my eyes<br />Can't escape it<br />You looked back once<br />And then kept walking away<br />My worst nightmare realized.<br />Don't let yourself fall.<br />Don't open yourself to pain<br />Trying to close the door<br />Too much pressing against it<br />So easy to hate<br />So easy to love<br />I have to escape<br />This hold on me<br />A pitbull's jaw<br />Not easily broken.<br />But still fighting<br />To keep my head above water.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-60202160696176972942009-07-13T21:26:00.000-07:002009-07-13T21:33:00.091-07:00A Fitting AnalogyLike a drug<br />I crave you<br />The intoxicating effects of your touch<br />Take me to places yet unknown.<br />Like any drug<br />A tolerance will be built<br />And the cravings will become more<br />A deep yearning<br />A desire so filling<br />It controls me<br />Much like you do.<br />It makes me do things<br />I wouldnn't normally do<br />Liquid courage, they call it<br />I'll say<br />No better name for it<br />The courage to live without regret<br />That's what it offered me<br />Glad I finally accepted<br />No turning back now<br />No turning back.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-39303571418898998392009-07-12T16:13:00.000-07:002009-07-12T16:16:29.800-07:00The Beast UnleashedSilence pressing around us<br />Not awkward, just peaceful<br />It all seemed like a good ide at the time.<br />The poison seeping through my veins<br />Makes it seem safe for the beast to be<br />Released. No thought of how to recapture<br />Her once she is loose.Just the thought of allowing her<br />To roam free, to wreak devastation<br />To leave her wake among the living<br />Blood, teeth, nails, tongues.<br />The cage open<br />The pent up animal running wild<br />So many years of oppression<br />To be set loose upon a friend<br />Carnal passions soaring<br />Animal instinct taking control<br />Take what isn't yours<br />Submit to the Mistress<br />Desire is all that matters,<br />Why not submit?<br />Why keep fighting<br />Last remnants of self control<br />Slipping quickly away.<br />Bodies moving as one,<br />The beast wreaking her havoc on the land<br />Chasing after her half heartedly<br />After all, who wants to stop the beast<br />She's too beautiful to keep locked away.<br />Her body entices all<br />The absolute carnal calling from the shadows of a society that doesn't embrace pleasure<br />Let alone pleasure derived from pain.<br />Stop. Stop. Stop.<br />I call desperately, knowing the effects of this will be felt for long<br />But the beast is in her element now.<br />There is no stopping her.<br />How to lock her away again,<br />How to repress the feelings that have been stirring under the surface for too long.<br />It's easy to say the poison made me do it<br />But what happens when the poison is out of my systemTheronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-80371466373281001862009-05-20T09:01:00.000-07:002009-10-08T11:15:45.175-07:00Coming OutThe collective "they" say it's a lifelong process. I'm only just beginning to understand what this means. Everyday I think of another person, another two people, another group of people that I haven't told.<br /><br />I have to keep reminding myself that this will all be worth it. When the tears come, I let them flow. But sometimes, I still find myself swallowing them, fighting them back. I try to be strong for the people who can't handle this. I still have so many fears, so many people that don't know, so many people that might hurt me when they find out.<br /><br />I try to stand tall. I try to keep walking forward. But with each step comes so much pain that it nearly brings me to my knees. Going numb seems like a good option. Wake me up when all of this is over.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-2814175647363321792009-05-17T19:59:00.001-07:002009-05-17T20:00:44.291-07:00EllohcinAnother face. Hers resembles mine so much I wish for nothing more than to smack it away. Her dull gray eyes mirroring mine, shape, color, all things match. I've run from this face my entire life, trying to hide my own likeness to it. Cutting my hair. Gaining weight. Caking on the makeup. All to no avail. Her eyes are my eyes. Her mouth is my mouth. Two shaky steps back, running from myself. Mirrors everywhere, her face in each one. Go away. I scream. Leave me alone. I want nothing more of you. You never wanted me. I reminded you of him. I reminded him of you. Neither parent wanting the child for the features of the other. Running from you my entire life, I face you now. Boldness. Courage. Certainty. It's myself in you that I have been running from. Not wanting to admit how much like you I am. Stumbling along the road to self discovery. Making huge mistakes. Trying to correct them. Unsuccessful. My own fear keeping me rooted to the spot. Trying to run with leaden feet. How to get away. How to get away. Come to me my daughter. She calls my name. Ellohcin. Ellohcin. Ellohcin. Where have you gone my Ellohcin. Come to me. Let me help. Her hair sways around me in the wind, wrapping me in its familiar scent. White sage purifies. Smudge sticks. Secrets pouring. Sweet escape.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1044717063059513845.post-78335037400229192582009-05-17T07:47:00.001-07:002009-05-17T13:07:39.799-07:00A Burden. A CurseEmpathy. A curse. A burden somehow mine to bear. Photographic memory. The look of pain burned into my mind. To feel what everyone else around you is feeling and to worry more about them than about yourself. To never be able to forget. To not be able to escape. There must be some way, some way out of the darkness. A face, beautiful, beckoning. Hope. Light. Reaching, not being able to touch. Falling. Falling. Falling. Forever down. Forever stuck.Theronhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17512318110766488527noreply@blogger.com1